I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
