I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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