i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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