The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
