There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize