I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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