Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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