Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
