I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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