My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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