I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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