Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
