So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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