I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Michael Bay diarrhea
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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