I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
