I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize