I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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