and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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