I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
