Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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