it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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