your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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