Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
