I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
