just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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