Apparently you make a good broom.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
