You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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