Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
