How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
