Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
