I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
