I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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