boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
