Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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