I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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