wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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