It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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