I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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