how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
