? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
