this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
