god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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