I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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