my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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