Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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