I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
