You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
