I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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