Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
