I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
