That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
