then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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