You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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