Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
