the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
