Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
do herpes really smell.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Randomize
