I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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