At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Your dad touched me again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
smell my finger.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
