you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
