I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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