yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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