"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You were trust falling into bushes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
