I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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