i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
