found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
