I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
