never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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