im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They have beer where we have blood.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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