did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
