Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
