when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
my liver is dry heaving
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
