just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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