Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
