Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
