Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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